Love and Truth
by Mischief in Mink
Summary: When two people who are so not romantic like Ichigo and Rukia get married, how badly will they twist the supposedly romantic love tales? A collection of IchiRuki oneshots, centring around the love 'truths' they discover throughout their marital journey.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **BLEACH and its wholesome goodness belong to Kubo Tite. Me? I'm only a fan escaping Senbonzakura's wrath, sinking deep into Byakuya's koi pond.

**Authoress' note: **I started writing this collection a long, long time ago but I only have the time to polish it again recently. This will be a collection of one-shots based on what 'love' says and the 'truth' opposing it. I'll try to update regularly but if I don't, it means college is eating up most of my time. Inspiration comes from YUI's song, Love and Truth, even though the oneshots here will be more of crack stories (the song itself is a tragically beautiful song). Anyway, hope you enjoy this! Any errors belong to me so rotten tomatoes or eggs shall be projected at me.

* * *

**Love and Truth**

**Chapter One**

**What Love says: **if he truly loves you, he will wake you up gently in the morning with a sweet kiss, a soft caress on your cheek and a little reminder of his undying love to you.

**What Truth says: **no matter how many times he tells you how much he loves you, his inescapable habit of waking you up in the morning with his loud snoring continues on and on despite you pasting a Breathe Right nasal strip on his nose the night before.

* * *

Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia had been happily married for nearly a year now.

True, just like any other marriages in the world, their marriage wasn't perfect. However, thanks to Ichigo's patience and Rukia's weakness of his charming smirk, the worst clash they had had so far was Rukia sending the roof above their TV room down during 'a little fight because Ichigo wouldn't let her watch Chappy the Bunny show'.

Still, they had been smitten with each other for so long; a few disagreements which surfaced in their matrimony journey couldn't deter their confidence that in the end the problem would smooth itself perfectly.

Unfortunately for Ichigo, the optimism failed to apply when he faced an exhausted, simmeringly livid and clearly sleep-deprived Rukia.

The petite woman had been complaining for days that Ichigo breathed _loud_ and that he should stop doing it. Ichigo was a doctor, yes, but even his clever and wise self was unable to devise a way for him to stop breathing.

How the hell was he supposed to stop breathing anyway?

He had even told her patiently, "Rukia, I love you so much, but how am I supposed to stop breathing? Even a literally dead person like you still needs to breathe."

To which she had replied hotly, "Not stop breathing, you idiot. I asked you to stop breathing _loud_. Why don't you get your nasal cavities fixed? I'm sure one of your doctor friends could do it for you."

Rolling his eyes incredulously, Ichigo tried to explain, "Well, firstly, I really don't want to waste money just to fix something which is not broken…"

"Your nasal cavities are obviously broken," she interjected sharply, shooting him a dirty glare as she fired the words.

Ichigo, however, prattled away, "…since we still have to pay the mortgage every month, and secondly, if you have forgotten the Biology lesson from high school, breathing is an involuntary movement of the muscles and there's no way I can con—"

Before he could even finish regurgitating the content of his high school textbook to his enraged wife, a small fist made contact with his chin and effectively silenced him. Something she merely explained as 'involuntary movement of the muscles'.

Ichigo dubbed it as 'a conditioned reflex whenever her angry-o-meter reached the peak'.

He could be a shinigami, he could be the saviour of Soul Society…heck—he could even take Rukia's bloodcurdling brother down in a fight; alas, complying with Rukia's exorbitant standard was a terribly hard task even for a man like Ichigo. The hapless lad could only sigh and shrug. _Perhaps it's her hormones again_, he thought to himself. Rukia had always been more easily ticked off during that time of the month.

Dissatisfied by Ichigo's lack of response, Rukia decided to take a handle of the problem before the time bomb inside her detonated. She bought a pack of nasal strips from the pharmacy nearby their house and when Ichigo was fast asleep that night, she quietly pasted a strip on his nose bridge.

After mentally praising herself for being such a wise lady, she settled herself into a comfortable position beside her husband. She gave a little kiss on the spot where the Breathe Right strip was pasted and giggled. In her opinion, he looked irresistibly cute. Come to think of it, an additional pair of bunny ears to complete his look wouldn't hurt…

_How adorable_, she thought. She sighed contently and was very certain she would wake up a happy woman the next morning.

However, hours later the raven-haired lady could be seen frowning in her sleep.

Unwillingly pulling herself out of the dreamland, she rubbed her eyes and scooted slightly to the edge of the bed. She was sure as hell she was dreaming about Chappy, not a farm tractor or a bulldozer!

A glance at her alarm clock told her that it was 4.22 in the morning, which was barely legal for her to start her day. Huffing to herself, she tried to locate the source of the awful noise reverberating throughout the room. Her meticulous effort was paid back in the form of a certain carrot top snoring in his sleep, despite having a perfectly intact Breathe Right strip stuck on his nose.

"Ichigo!" she screamed exasperatedly. It took all of her willpower and patience to prevent herself from pulling her hair out or skinning her husband alive.

"Rrrkkk—w…what, Rukia? Hollow? Menos? Aizen?" Stammering, a sleepy Ichigo emerged sluggishly from his cosy blanket den to meet neither Hollow nor Aizen, but a disaster of an entirely different sort—his wife glowering at him with murderous intent glistening on her violet eyes.

The temperature of the room inexorably increased a notch.

"Chappy earmuffs," she said grudgingly, repeatedly counting from one to ten following the advice she read on a woman magazine. She didn't feel her anger diminish at the slightest, though.

"Pardon me?" Ichigo blinked, dumbfounded. The two words didn't quite register in his mind, as if Rukia had spoken Greek to him.

"You better buy me Chappy earmuffs in the afternoon, my lovely husband," Rukia hissed irately. "That, or you will take the couch from now on."

No matter how dissonant the first sentence sounded for Ichigo, the second one had a sobering effect for his brain and he yelped, "Take the couch? But I'm not seeing anyone else, Rukia! I don't know what the girls at work tell you but I swear upon my father's head that you're the only one I love—"

She cut his blabbering by throwing her pillow at him. Ichigo removed the fluffy cushion before it smothered him and shouted, "What's your problem, midget?"

"Dearest husband of mine." Rukia's lips twitched as she went on, "You're the one who is problematic. You breathe _loud_, _really_, _really loud_, and since you flat out refused my idea of getting your nasal cavities fixed, I need the freaking Chappy earmuffs so that I can at least get a decent sleep from now on!"

Rukia looked like she was really losing it. After scrutinising his wife's blackened eyes, bewildered gaze and creased forehead, Ichigo's eyes softened and he sighed in defeat.

"Alright, alright. Now let's go back to sleep, midget."

"Not unless you move over to the couch. I can't stand anymore snoring, Ichigo." Rukia's head hung low in frustration. She felt totally lousy and her spinning head wasn't much of a help. For the sake of keeping peace between the two of them, Ichigo finally decided he would read a book while Rukia continued her previously perturbed slumber.

In the afternoon, Ichigo ended up buying her the Chappy earmuffs and a heap of other Chappy stuff to 'make it up to his wife'. However, much to his dismay, his snoring habit stopped a week after he bought her the earmuffs. How did he know? His petite wife told him cheerfully on one fine morning that she would keep the earmuffs for winter instead because he had stopped snoring and she didn't see any reason to wear it anymore in her sleep.

When Ichigo heard it he couldn't help but wonder whether the whole incident was another product of Rukia's flawless acting façade…

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER ONE**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I tried to sue Kubo Tite for the ownership of BLEACH, but the district attorney told me curtly that it's hardly a solid case. Le sigh.

**Authoress' note: **I'd like to say thank you to all of my reviewers for the first chapter! I can't reply each of you personally since my internet connection is being a major pain in the neck right now, so I shall take this opportunity to let you know that the reviews are appreciated! Thank you, everyone! As usual, any errors belong to me so all boo-ing and rotten strawberries shall be aimed this way –points to self-

* * *

**Love and Truth**

**Chapter Two**

**What Love says:** strawberries symbolise love.

**What Truth says:** Ichigo swears he will forever hold a grudge against the little red fruits after Rukia turned their backyard into a strawberry plantation with a sorry excuse that the fruits reminded her of him.

* * *

"Only a week, right?"

Rukia had been tiptoeing in circles for nearly half an hour now. Her husband rested on a couch nearby, watching his petite wife going round and round like a cat chasing its own tail.

"Rukia," he gently spoke, flashing a smile at her, "I promise I will be back after a week. You don't have to worry."

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked again, frowning. "Why on earth does Ishida need you to go along with him to this…uh…bacteria and viruses show?"

"First of all, it's not bacteria and viruses show." Ichigo's smile spread wider. Trust Rukia to find the cutest name for any term she was unfamiliar with. "It's a compulsory seminar for doctors who are engaged in drug research. Plus, I won't be alone with Ishida. Eight other doctors will also come along with us."

Rukia sighed. "You promise you will be back after a week?"

A pair of puppy eyes stared at Ichigo intently. The orange-haired man stood up and walked over towards his wife, then hugged her from behind.

"Of course," he murmured, kissing the top of her head. Rukia shivered slightly at the contact.

"Fine, then." Rukia sighed once again, knowing full well that she would miss him tremendously while he was gone.

* * *

The day after Ichigo went for his trip, Rukia woke up feeling like crap. She would never admit it out loud, but let's face it—she was no longer used sleeping alone and the bed felt too big for her with Ichigo's side being vacant. When she stepped downstairs, there was no Ichigo stirring his morning coffee or putting the toast in the toaster. She glanced at the Post-Its Ichigo pasted on the fridge, then plopped herself on the nearest chair.

_Don't forget to eat your meals, midget._ The words were written on a bright green Post-It in Ichigo's handwriting.

_Be careful when you use the microwave. Remember that egg incident? Don't blow the house down, we have yet to finish the mortgage._ This time, he used a yellow Post-It.

_ Remember to shower using warm water, alright? I don't want you to fall ill while I'm away._

_For this week only, my T-shirts are yours to violate._ Rukia chuckled when she read this. He really could read her mind.

How was she going to pass a week without him around?

Her shoulders hung in defeat as she cleared the egoism off her brain. _This is for Ichigo's sake_, she slapped herself mentally. One week wouldn't be that long.

Right now, what she needed was something to distract her mind from the man she adored.

* * *

Around one week later…

Ichigo was very glad that their flight was changed to one day earlier since the seminar finished faster than expected. Truth be told, he missed Rukia tremendously. For the whole six days he had been dreaming of her every night, missing her smile, her laughter, her wicked grin, perhaps even her being frisky in the bedroom…a blush crept up his face when he realised what he was thinking about.

For short, he missed her. Period.

Flagging the first cab he could find after he landed on the airport, he rushed home as soon as possible after forcing the cab driver to drive as fast as he could. He smiled to himself throughout the trip home, imagining what Rukia's reaction would be when she saw him coming home a day earlier. Obviously, the orange-haired man was oblivious to the cab driver's plight as he tried his best to narrowly avoid a series of accidents.

The thoughts going round in Ichigo's mind were, however, those of this kind: _Would Rukia be exhilarated? Did she miss me as well?_

After paying the cab fare to the now-pallid-looking cab driver, Ichigo unlocked the front door impatiently and burst through.

"Rukia!" he chimed, expecting his wife to emerge from wherever she was. Instead, he was answered with silence.

"Rukia?" he yelled once again, raising one of his eyebrows. _What, she went to the market?_ Rubbing the back of his neck, he waited for a few other moments but still, no Rukia.

He tried calling her cell phone just to check whether she really did go out, but he was directed to her mailbox.

Ichigo's blood ran cold. A thousand scary images filled his mind. Kidnapping? Robbery? Rape? Murder…? Hollow? Arrancar? Aizen? He wouldn't forgive himself if something bad really did happen to his wife.

"Rukia!" He searched every room, every cupboard, heck, every drawer…but the raven-haired woman was nowhere to be found.

A faint whimper could be heard from the back of the house when Ichigo toured the laundry area. Recognising the voice as Rukia's, he launched himself as fast as he could towards the origin of the voice.

"Darn…Rukia! Hang in there!" he shouted. He hastily rummaged for his shinigami substitute badge in his pocket. Alas, the badge was nowhere to be found. The panicked man spat out a string of innovative curses at his tragic luck. To worsen the whole drama, Rukia's whimpers were even clearer and louder now. _Damn it_, he thought, as he fumbled to open the door which led to the backyard. When the knob refused to turn after he turned it twice, he kicked the door down without any further thought and rushed through as he called his wife out, "Rukia! Are you okay?"

What he saw was far from what he had imagined. He was expecting the midget being threatened with a knife or being cornered by a Hollow or being beaten up to death, but instead he found her standing on the lawn with a perplexed look all over her face.

"You…you're okay…" Ichigo stuttered, having his wild imagination shattered.

"Of course I'm okay. What were you thinking?" Rukia justified calmly, still unable to comprehend what happened to Ichigo.

"I heard you whimpering and…I couldn't find you anywhere…so I thought…" A blush started to creep on Ichigo's face, realising that he was dead wrong.

"I was dragging this bag of fertiliser, Ichigo," Rukia chuckled, restraining herself from laughing out loud. Ichigo being all protective and fussy was always the source of her entertainment. "Speaking of which, would you be a darling and drag it for me?"

Ichigo was stepping onto the lawn to comply with her request when he spotted the lush vegetation behind Rukia.

"Rukia, what's that?" He stopped dead on his track. The clump of leaves looked like…oh Kami, was that little red fruit he saw amidst the greenery?

"They're strawberry plants, Ichigo," Rukia replied in a defensive tone. She didn't really like the suspicion which laced Ichigo's voice a moment ago.

"S…strawberry plants?" For as long as he could remember, Rukia had never been the gifted one about gardening. Ichigo was the one who took care of the bonsai plant Ukitake gave her for her wedding. If Rukia had been the resident gardener, Ichigo bet his arm and leg that the bonsai would wilt before the third day.

And now…she had turned three quarters of their backyard into a strawberry plantation.

What mortified Ichigo further was when he took a closer look at the ill-fated plants; each and every one of them was named through the little oaktag Rukia had set up in front of every individual plant.

_Hungry Ichigo_, one oaktag blinked back at him. The one beside it read: _Sleepy Ichigo_.

To add to his bewilderment, the 'Ichigo' was written using the kanji of his name, not the kanji of the fruits.

"What is this, Rukia?" he questioned incredulously, pointing at one oaktag which shouted, _Sulking Ichigo_.

"It's their characteristics, Ichigo."

"Characteristics?"

"Look, let me explain." Rukia smirked; her beautiful eyes were suddenly gleaming with mischievousness. She pointed at an oaktag and told her husband, "Read this."

"Rock-bottom Ichigo." The dandelion head felt a huge blow to his pride. "Darn, Rukia, I don't know what the hell crossed your mind but this is totally ridiculous, not to mention mortifying…"

"Damn right. This baby is Rock-bottom Ichigo," Rukia responded only to the statement which wasn't out of her topic. Ichigo could feel his head spinning. _Baby?_

"Rock-bottom Ichigo is of a wild cultivar," the lady went on with her explanation. "He doesn't need to be treated tenderly for him to bear fruits."

_He_, Ichigo noticed. _Not it_.

"He's just like you whenever you're at rock-bottom, since your depressed self doesn't deserve kind treatment."

"Then, there's this sweetheart: Smiling Ichigo." The smile painted on Rukia's face was as bright as the summer sunshine when she mentioned this particular plant—clearly that amongst the vegetation she had planted, Smiling Ichigo was her favourite. "Smiling Ichigo comes from a cultivar which produces very sweet and very delectable fruits."

_So that's why she named it Smiling Ichigo_, thought Ichigo.

Before Rukia continued with her explanation for Naked Ichigo, which he didn't really want to hear, he interrupted her, "Where did you get these plants from?"

"Inoue's gardening shoppe."

_Darn_, Ichigo whined mutely, _just what the hell were the women up to when their husbands were away?_

He really didn't want to know what Inoue probably did. He was sure something had happened though. It's really unsafe to leave those two—Rukia and Orihime—discussing and scheming together…

Snapping himself out of thoughts, he questioned again, "And where did you get this idea from?" Inevitably, the headache which had been bugging him worsened slightly.

Much to his surprise, Rukia's gaze casted downwards when he hurled the question at her.

"I…I missed you." Looking anywhere but her husband's eyes, she added, "I couldn't get the thoughts of you out of my head…I needed something to distract me…"

Ichigo's eyes softened at Rukia's words. He could feel his heart doing somersault.

"Rukia…"

"Whenever I started to think about you again, I would come here and tend to the plants. They're sweet creatures, Ichigo. I feel happy when I'm taking care of them."

_God, I never knew she's such a softie,_ Ichigo thought painfully. Moreover, _he_ was the cause of her misery! A pang of guilt hammered his chest.

"For short, whenever I miss you, I could always tend to these lovely plants and imagine that I'm tending to you, big strawberry!"

His head snapped up at this unexpected confession. No matter how touching the previous words were, the 'big strawberry' reduced all of them into mere rubble.

"What big strawberry?"

Rukia tsk-tsked him. Gone were her earlier heart-wrenching acts. "Don't you know? You're like their big brother, Ichigo." Pausing for a while, she even added, "Of course, if being a daddy is more comfortable for you, then by all means be my guest…"

Ichigo was flailing wildly. "Daddy? What daddy? No way in hell I would be the father of a bunch of _strawberry plants_!"

"Well, you both share the same name…" Rukia turned to face her strawberry plants and chimed happily, "Right, Ichigo Jr.?"

Oh dear.

What's more, Ichigo swore the strawberry plants even bobbed up and down slightly, as if they were agreeing with his impish wife. He quickly made a mental note to never go missing in action for such long period anymore. Not after this incident.

"Oh, by the way, will you take care of them together with me?" Rukia inquired in a saccharine voice. "And…the fertiliser, Ichigo! Carry the bag here, will you?"

Ichigo couldn't help but felt that from then on, he would have to stock up on aspirins.

* * *

"Hello?" Ichigo picked the ringing phone up from his spot on the sofa. He was reading his evening newspaper after dinner, whilst Rukia was upstairs, taking a bath.

"Kurosaki?"

"What's wrong, Ishida?" Ichigo's voice turned serious. The last time Ishida called at this hour, three teenage punks were admitted to hospital in critical condition after having too much fun with their motorbikes. Fun, apparently, ended up plunging them straight against a speeding truck. Who knew what kind of accident happened this time?

"Did Kuchiki-san do something to your house?" the quincy whispered into the phone, his voice barely above a hush.

_Ah, the pain of having fresh wound re-opened… _Ichigo closed his eyes scornfully. "Well, she did crowd my backyard with a flock of strawberry plants…" he answered, heaving a deep sigh. He added as an afterthought, "She said she obtained them from your wife's shoppe."

"Right." Ishida's voice was hoarse. "Look, I don't know what Orihime did with Rukia when we were away, but I came home to a humongous rain dragon statue today…"

Frowning, Ichigo tried to recall the character contained in Ishida's first name. When he realised it, he burst out laughing.

"Stop laughing, Kurosaki!" Ishida growled angrily. "Really, I wonder what those two were up to when we were away!"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ichigo rolled his eyes even though Ishida couldn't see it through the phone. "They were scheming together."

Five minutes later, just after Ichigo ended the conversation with Ishida, Rukia walked into the living room and settled herself beside her husband.

"Who was that?"

"Ishida," Ichigo answered with a grin in his voice. "Apparently, he didn't really appreciate your idea of adding a rain dragon statue to his crib…"

Raising her brows, she retaliated, "Oh, tell him he should thank me. You won't want to imagine what Inoue initially wanted to do—she wanted to pave their whole house using _stones_."

"Stones?"

"Yes," Rukia said, barely able to contain her smile. "Ishida literally means stone field, doesn't it? Well, Inoue seemed to have this idea that since she wanted her husband to be everywhere around her, she might as well turn their house into a stone field…" When she saw her husband's face changed colour, Rukia snorted, "Oh come on, this is Inoue we're talking about!"

Ichigo's remained static for a little while more before bursting into laughter. Amidst his laughing fit, he informed his wife, "Aw, man! You shouldn't have done that—I would really love to know what Ishida would say when he found out that the expensive parquet in his house was replaced by stones!"

Rukia grinned. "Well, as much as I wanted to do the same…I don't think the plan could be carried out within a week so we had to let it slide, Ichigo."

"You know," the carrot top whispered as he ruffled Rukia's hair affectionately, "now I think strawberry plants are not that bad."

"You do?"

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah…compared to Ishida's rain dragon…"

Flicking Ichigo's nose playfully, Rukia smirked before replying, "Another plus point, Ichigo: the entire strawberry yard cost less than the dragon statue."

A sudden realisation hit him. "Uh, Rukia…" He looked at the petite lady, who was nestled in his arm. "Where did you get the money to purchase those plants from?"

She grinned sheepishly at his question. "Well, where else but from our joint bank account?"

Smacking his forehead, Ichigo let out a painful groan. He didn't even think he wanted to know how much money Rukia sapped out of their savings.

He'd need a lot of aspirins, alright.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER TWO**


End file.
